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The year was 1996, I couldn't resist him any more!
I was born into a christian family where I was sorrounded by God loving people, but despite that, I went through a lot of sinning before I came to the lord. My life was too much of a confusion before he took control.
For me to come to the Lord it was not after he had struck me like he did with Saul. I ussually refer to it as him coaxing me into the relationship with his good deeds! You know at times I used to feel guilty about what God was doing in my life. I knew the truth because of my family upbringing but I did not want to do what needed to be done.
There were times when I was told stories(very scary ones!) about hell then people would want to blackmail me with hell. The stories did scare me but I was not prepared to give my life to the lord.
Then there came a time when I couldn't resist him anymore. His blessings in my life were becoming evident as each day passed. But the final spur was when I learnt about how his love led to the events at calvary. I couldn't hold back anymore, 'couldn't resist such a display of love more espcially for an undeserving person like me. You see, I used to sin against God hoping that he would stop blessing me.This, I reasoned would make me feel less guilt when I rejected him. But when I came to learn the significance of the cross, all my guard was lost and I accepted him as my lord and savior.
Next I will be going onto the following six years with the Lord. It was quite an exiting time JOIN ME!
Last time I wrote about how I got saved. I don't like to write about the days before I got saved because they were really bad. The people who lived arround me never knew and maybe will never understand the type of life I led. To most people I was an innocent boy from a God loving family who was full of respect. Respect ofcourse I had, atleast outside our house.But my life was really bad. No, as I said I don't want to start listing the bad things I used to do. This forum is too small for that.
In 1996, with the mercy and grace of God, I was born again. Now here is the one thing I want you to know: Bad habits do die hard, more especially if you try to fight them all by yourself. During that year I fell so many times, more than I care to remember. The most striking thing that happenned to me that year however was the eagerness I had to serve God. In our school there was a Scripture Union group(I was doing form 2 and was the headboy in that school). What happened is that, I used to go to the SU meetings, go to the front and try to preach the word of God. All I ended up doing infact was open the bible stand before the people and confuse myself! So never go out there and try to preach God's word unless he has called you(and filled you with the Holy Spirit) to do it and you have studied the word itself. Also I had these friends whom I wanted to hide it from them that I was born again. Some of them will be learning about my going to the SU meeting as they read through this. As I have already said , I was leading a very secretive life. One of my mottoes was 'be your own confidante' the other one was ' When it is known, by even one more person, it is no longer a secret' . I was what you may call 'oneman one mission.'
The whole of 1996 was quite a bad one for me. This being because I did not want to confide in anyone.I kept all my troubles to myself and tried to sort them out. You know it is quite difficult to admit to the people who had thought that you were saved that you had been pretending all along. It was so difficult for me, that I never got to really telling them by word of mouth. Those who were lucky got it as I skillfully wound it into our conversations(using the skills I had in lying) but some did not and after all these years I am yet to tell them. Keeping my troubles bottled up kept me from making friends with the people at church. This being so because I knew that they would ask me how my christian life was going. And in that time I wouldn't and didn't tell anyone the truth. That isolation was eating on me and it made church a boring place. Towards the end of 1996 however, by some power of God I can not describe, I got aquinted to 2 guys whose friendship really saved me from backsliding. The guys are Changu (never got Changu's surname) and Emmanuel Motswetla. I never told them how the Lord had used them in my life but now that he has freed me even from the last strands of the devil's ropes I will tell them at the first opportunity. After getting to know these guys church was no longer a boring place for me and that love which God had shown me was rekindled. God then protected me with his loving hand even when I was still clinging to most of the things I did before coming to him. One of my great great weaknesses was telling lies. Boy! how good was I on that one! I could create an event in my head and present it to you, and you would before the end of the day, tell others about what I saw or what happened to me. The Lord helped me through to my exams and I got first class in my form two. (A's in all subjects except for one). My period as the headboy was also a good one. God guided me through even more trying times and preserved my reputation.(some people know that I got merit)
Now, the things to meditate upon after reading today's article: (1)What are you doing in trying to reach out to other people? Remember, had it not been for the friendship I got from Changu and Emmanuel, I wouldn't be where I am today. So every time you see someone looking lonely in church, go to them and be their friends. In the house of the Lord there are no strangers because were are all children of God. We are one family and let it be just like that, brothers and sisters.
(2) Even when you seem to be falling know that he is always there for you. If you have asked him into your life, know that he is your father and he will be always there for you. We serve a forgiving God who is slow to anger. He sustained me when I couldn't bring my standard up and he can also sustain you.
In 1997 I went to a boarding school. It was my first time to stay away from my family for a period of more than a week. Those of you who know what being a freshman in Botswana's boarding senior secondary school is like, will understand the situation I was in better. Let me try to give those who do not know an idea of how it was then.
During those years we went to senior secondary school to do our forms 3-5. If you were doing form three, those in the upper forms did not call you by name but rather refered to you as "form 3". It was not unusual to hear some one saying " Look at what this form3 has done!". They also used another word ,Mosela(a half human half animal creature from folk stories, which had a tail). Now, the form3s were terrorised and victimised by the senior groups, who called it initiation into senior school.This would usually take the form of being forced to do some stupid things like barking at a stone, blowing the bulb off with your breath and many other stupid things that can come across one's mind.Sometimes however, it could become so bad that form3s were beaten and sometimes injured.
The only way a form3 would avoid this "initiation" was by not attracting attention to himself.( For a guy as big a me it was really difficult to avoid being noticed). So it was under such circumstances that I was asked to declare whether I was a christian or not. christians were refered to as SUs because there are christian movements in schools called SCRIPTURE UNION.
So the question from one burly guy came as " Which one of you is an SU?" not willing get his undevided attention none of us form3s who were there answered him. Then he asked us individually and the question then was "Are you a christian?". Guess what I said? I said NO. Well I was a christian and I knew and remembered the story of Shadrack, Meshack and Abednigo but I was not bold enough to stand for the one who saved me from eternal death. I later prayed about it and I will always thank God for forgiving me.
I will continue with that year in the next article. In the mean while I want us to look at this:As Christians we are sometimes faced with situations where we have to choose between God and any other factor in life: I had to choose the one I feared most. And I ended up choosing a human being. Can you imagine that what I did then was just equivalent to saying "I will rather face the wrath of God rather than bear the pain caused by this boy." ? The only way we can get to handle situations like that is by reading and understanding Daniel 3 . Let us pray to God that he gives us the courage and boldness to face such situations.
John Starnes sings ' He is the God that cannot, who will not, who will never fail.'
Let us go out there and be Christians(born again ones) who do not fear because we have the Almighty God on our side.
For the whole of 1997 I was a wavering Scripture Union member.It was during that year that I felt the real pain of not fully accepting the freedom that Jesus provided on the cross. During that time when I sinned and the devil tormented me with the sin , I just listened to him. This made me lose courage and at times I used to think that in 1996 I had just fooled myself. I would think that I was not born again. But during this time of turmoil I found out about Radio Christian Voice. Idon't know whether some of you have listened to this radio station. That year they feature Bishop Fred Ado a lot .That man man ministered to me. Sometimes when I tell people about Christians making use of the media they say I dream too much. I know what a good word can do to somebody's life. I have experienced it. By using the media we will be ensuring that we plant the word of God in many places and that way many lives will be changed.
At the end of the year 1997 when I looked at my life I found out that though I was born again I had not yet found peace within my soul. This was mainly caused be the uncertainity in me. You see, once you start to fear when the Lord calls you, you begin to sink Matthew 14:28-30. The ever good God took care of me that year. I did well in school and eventhough I went home thin I was healthy and sound.
After reading this: Know that when Jesus sets you free you are free indeed.John 8:36. Do not listen to the Devil as he tries to hold you at ransom for the mistakes you make. Go back to your father and ask him to forgive you, then aks him to help you not to sin anymore.
Next year is 1998(that year I fell).
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